Monday, March 9, 2009

For Memory's Sake - Stand Up Comedy!

Booze, Gujjus, Women, Fashion parade and Veggitarians!

Anyways, you know last night I was talking to my mum and I told her you know ma tomorrow is my PC (Personality Contest) finals and I’ve not prepared anything, and she was being the good mother telling me not to worry and how she has that ‘motherly intuition’ that I would come up with something then that followed by the advice as to how to be yourself and blah blah the usual stuff u know…so that kinda got me thinking on how all r mothers are these programmed manuals of advice when it comes to their children…standard replies to everything…

Late night parties: don’t drink and be home by 11!

Girls: don’t get them drunk and get them home by 11!

Sex: if you follow both the above rules it won’t be a problem!

But u know I think dad’s have a more practical approach when it comes to giving advice…at least to their sons…a classic example of this was when I spoke to my mom about going to Goa for a holiday with my friends…first thing she said to me was…I hope your not going to Goa to drink their and do stupid things!...so I was like

Of course not ma u know me na!

Then later in the night I spoke to my dad regarding the finances for this trip…and then he decides to part with his extremely potent advice…now this is wher the practicality comes in..watch..he says, Son, have fun......and just don’t mix your drinks!

Of course not dad, you know me na!

Anyway, cut to college and here I am after my dad's biggest mistake...unfortunately for me, wen i was a kid, my dad probably had a bad day or mixed his drinks to much, I dunno wat but, he decided that i needed to be put into an ALL BOY'S SCHOOL for 13 years of my life...

So to say the least...co-ed college, no parents and ur own place was loads to handle!!

And there were a few things that gave me a culture shock…but here I give you a heads up about my background…it’s really short though…catholic family who love their food, born and brought up in Kolkatta and Delhi and the worst(read above)…studied in an all boys school for 13 years…

Sniff…touchy subject…

Getting back to these culture shocks…

The first…women! And not just any women…beautiful women…and they weren’t just there being beautiful…now this is the part where most of the convent educated guys could relate with me...the talking part!

Why is it so hard to talk to good looking women!

I think there must be some disease that spreads only in convent schools…and it’s most prominent symptom is a girl! Scientists all over the world have been trying to understand the link between a girl saying ‘Hi’ to a guy looking at her as though she askd him to marry her

Yes!

Oh life is hard!

Now this next part may be a little hard to believe, but there are a certain type of people whom I had never encountered in Delhi…these people for some reason had a rather peculiar habit, as in, it was strange to me…now I am not making this stuff up…100% true! They even have a name for this community…vegetarians!

Never eaten meat…I was like wow! So I asked one of my friends…why? Why would you do this to yourself? And all he said was “Aise hi, never tried it.” And I saw hope…he’s never tried it…how would he know?

I think about 5-6 months into our friendship and being in my friends circle he was very well aware that at KFC the chicken breasts are more meatier than any other piece, you must go to your Muslim friends house on Bakr-Eid and pork chops were made in heaven!

He hasn’t gotten around to eating much seafood but we’re working on that…

Oh and of course the last thing, closely associated with the vegetarians is another famous community…can anyone take a wild guess…song in a famous movie about them…

We are a happy community...G - U - J - J - U!

Gujratis!

In my first year…all I could hear was soo che kem cho maja maa chiki cha! :P and maaru naam nayim masani from bhavnagar…kemcho!

Don’t get me wrong here, I have nothing against them…they’re great bunch o people but then every1 else also suddenly decided that kem cho was the official way of greeting any1 in symbi and was the new form of ‘wassup’! this was regardless of whether they understood what it meant or not…I mean you see a guy limping his way to class and sum1 had to ask him kem cho…he would reply majaa maa! ankle twist yaar!

Oh and by the way if you ever want to invest in the stock market you want your broker to be a gujrati…I’m telling you they have sum hotline with the people at the BSE and they just know everything!

Oh and of course that reminds me, how could I forget this? Now my parents have a rather sadistic sense of humor. The other day I was just generally talking to my dad about stuff and somewhere somehow we started talking about the recession…and my dad decides to enlighten me on some breaking news…he tells me, you know what son the recession has just hit India!

So I was like Really?

Yea…you’re the first victim! Check your bank balance!

Click!