For Memory's Sake - Stand Up Comedy!

Booze, Gujjus, Women, Fashion parade and Veggitarians!

Anyways, you know last night I was talking to my mum and I told her you know ma tomorrow is my PC (Personality Contest) finals and I’ve not prepared anything, and she was being the good mother telling me not to worry and how she has that ‘motherly intuition’ that I would come up with something then that followed by the advice as to how to be yourself and blah blah the usual stuff u know…so that kinda got me thinking on how all r mothers are these programmed manuals of advice when it comes to their children…standard replies to everything…

Late night parties: don’t drink and be home by 11!

Girls: don’t get them drunk and get them home by 11!

Sex: if you follow both the above rules it won’t be a problem!

But u know I think dad’s have a more practical approach when it comes to giving advice…at least to their sons…a classic example of this was when I spoke to my mom about going to Goa for a holiday with my friends…first thing she said to me was…I hope your not going to Goa to drink their and do stupid things!...so I was like

Of course not ma u know me na!

Then later in the night I spoke to my dad regarding the finances for this trip…and then he decides to part with his extremely potent advice…now this is wher the practicality comes in..watch..he says, Son, have fun......and just don’t mix your drinks!

Of course not dad, you know me na!

Anyway, cut to college and here I am after my dad's biggest mistake...unfortunately for me, wen i was a kid, my dad probably had a bad day or mixed his drinks to much, I dunno wat but, he decided that i needed to be put into an ALL BOY'S SCHOOL for 13 years of my life...

So to say the least...co-ed college, no parents and ur own place was loads to handle!!

And there were a few things that gave me a culture shock…but here I give you a heads up about my background…it’s really short though…catholic family who love their food, born and brought up in Kolkatta and Delhi and the worst(read above)…studied in an all boys school for 13 years…

Sniff…touchy subject…

Getting back to these culture shocks…

The first…women! And not just any women…beautiful women…and they weren’t just there being beautiful…now this is the part where most of the convent educated guys could relate with me...the talking part!

Why is it so hard to talk to good looking women!

I think there must be some disease that spreads only in convent schools…and it’s most prominent symptom is a girl! Scientists all over the world have been trying to understand the link between a girl saying ‘Hi’ to a guy looking at her as though she askd him to marry her

Yes!

Oh life is hard!

Now this next part may be a little hard to believe, but there are a certain type of people whom I had never encountered in Delhi…these people for some reason had a rather peculiar habit, as in, it was strange to me…now I am not making this stuff up…100% true! They even have a name for this community…vegetarians!

Never eaten meat…I was like wow! So I asked one of my friends…why? Why would you do this to yourself? And all he said was “Aise hi, never tried it.” And I saw hope…he’s never tried it…how would he know?

I think about 5-6 months into our friendship and being in my friends circle he was very well aware that at KFC the chicken breasts are more meatier than any other piece, you must go to your Muslim friends house on Bakr-Eid and pork chops were made in heaven!

He hasn’t gotten around to eating much seafood but we’re working on that…

Oh and of course the last thing, closely associated with the vegetarians is another famous community…can anyone take a wild guess…song in a famous movie about them…

We are a happy community...G - U - J - J - U!

Gujratis!

In my first year…all I could hear was soo che kem cho maja maa chiki cha! :P and maaru naam nayim masani from bhavnagar…kemcho!

Don’t get me wrong here, I have nothing against them…they’re great bunch o people but then every1 else also suddenly decided that kem cho was the official way of greeting any1 in symbi and was the new form of ‘wassup’! this was regardless of whether they understood what it meant or not…I mean you see a guy limping his way to class and sum1 had to ask him kem cho…he would reply majaa maa! ankle twist yaar!

Oh and by the way if you ever want to invest in the stock market you want your broker to be a gujrati…I’m telling you they have sum hotline with the people at the BSE and they just know everything!

Oh and of course that reminds me, how could I forget this? Now my parents have a rather sadistic sense of humor. The other day I was just generally talking to my dad about stuff and somewhere somehow we started talking about the recession…and my dad decides to enlighten me on some breaking news…he tells me, you know what son the recession has just hit India!

So I was like Really?

Yea…you’re the first victim! Check your bank balance!

Click!

Define 'Friend'

Entry number three now..shud hav been two...was suppossed to be out on the 26th, but couldn't complete..what makes a friend i wonder, I honestly dont get it...the only way i realise is through action more than what people say..theres the scream of u doubt my friendship and loyalty?...whr my only defence if of course not..and wat made u think tht...wen its pretty obvious tht it was their actions that did tht dumbass!

are ther boundaries in friendship?..is it even possible to cross them...is tht the defference between a friend and a 'best friend'? and if so...in which 1 do the boundaries exist...i hav friends who cudnt give a damn about how much i bug them or interrupt them...because ofcors thrs an understanding..and i hav 'best friends' who tread down the same path..but wat about thise 'BF's" who keep these boundaries...is it because they know u so well that they expect smthn from u in terms of privacy or limits??...

Who gets to set this bar?...if its me then i hav a tough time ahead of me..i'v never had such boundaries etc wid me...atleast wid my 'BFs'...they r thr fr the sole reason tht they have a priveleged rigth to bug u and screw ur case in everythn u do without u havin the simple right o be pissed off...isn't it?

R thr sum universal rules to friendship..who sets them... i need to know....else i hav a dilemma...either i doubt the friendship or i doubt the intentions behind this facade..

I don't get it..i'v put myself in their shoes and i stll dont get...but one thing, i redefined friendship..the rules, the laws..and it still doesnt fit in...something is wrong...

I AM BLOGGING!

So, anyways this is me, here i am, wat to do besides quote crap ass Bryan Adams songs! I'm writing this when i should be working, or should I? I ossilate between phases of i hate my life(usualy wen thinking to myself) and, i dont really care and lets just tak life how it comes(usually wen givin advice to others)...it's strange how people are so good at giving advice to others in matters of what they claim to have a lot of experience in because they have dated 'X' no of men or women and have suffered or endured X x Y no of problems with the same reason that ur apparently goin thru rite now! (hope that makes sense, i'm just writing...not tht careful about wat im actualy writing or is it blogging?) and wen it comes to themselves.."Oh! i dunno wat to do, he/she is such a bastard/bitch! I should be single only, no tension only!"....and later lets get a beer...screw u!..

Relationships r such a bummer wid all these rules tht apply wen one ends, for eg,
Dirty talk implies that u r stil not over her and you need to move on!
Using nick names tht u guys came up wid also implies d same!
Teling her that her new choice for a guy is a real bummer implies that u havent found someone yet! (true :( )
Saying a 'love ya' at the end of a conversation followed by a silence on the other end implies that she's found a prospective! :S
And later geting a 'love ya' back implies that the prospective didnt work out!
But most important, the fact that this prospect came in finaly makes u realise that wow...it is over...

I had a crush on someone...i cud never ask her out coz i'm a bum (and she's a bitch! ;))...i'm no good wid dis 'getin a girl' deal ya...I still dont think i can tel a girl tht till i get these major vibes bak...damn u all boy's school..these are the scars tht last a long bloody time and over lot many years! ;)

What is it with these long terms crushes, I'v had 3 so far, two told me much later tht they too had a crush on me at the exact same time or atleast round about! :,( Pissin Off!

Anyways, it just keeps makin u wonder 'what if?'...I hate tht fuckin question! esp wen she's soooo HOT! :S

Gunshot->Head->brain on wall->wallpaper sold for record 1 million dollars coz it ended up in the shape of a broken heart!

It's all random here...i'm jst talkin...this is strangely nice...last time i talked, the listener passed out and didnt remember a thing! maybe in a way tht was good and easier...;)